Perspective.

...

I always wandered why burials were like this, people coming up to say nice things or nice experiences they'd shared with the late person when they could've done so on his or her birthdays or even random days while the dead person was still alive and would appreciate it more. It just feels so disappointing that we don't realize how kind, loving and sweet that person was until she dies and I often wonder if the kind or caring person ever knew that she was kind or caring. Now that Pelumi is gone, we're all here claiming she was a perfectly kind person when they know she's not hearing it so why all these tear-jerking speeches ? They can't even say half of what they had in mind before they start balling their eyes out. I haven't attended many burials in my lifetime and I'm glad I knew more living people especially knowing what burials look like now, I'm definitely not excited to go through another one. Any of my friends that dies next would just have to meet me in heaven ( hopefully not any time soon ). Although it may not sound like I loved Pelumi, on most days I did and if her friends had been truthful about their speeches, they would've said I loved her too much. I hadn't been truthful to her while she was alive because I most times allowed her please herself at her own detriment and if I decided to speak up now and go out of character, everyone here would nearly faint. I used to always think of her as my friend but her actions always said otherwise and I would start to really hate her like how I hate her now for dying and making everyone cry, always trying to seek the attention of others. I hated how she never listened to me and did what she wanted or rather, what the devil wanted her to do. You know even though Pelumi's friends were lying right now, they'd always try to tell her the truth while she was alive, they were the best friends a person could ask for and sometimes I often wish they were mine funny how she always told me felt like an imposter when she was with her friends. They also tried to make Pelumi think better, act better and live better especially Lolu. I'd always felt Lolu was just too good for Pelumi and although they were both smart, Lolu always made the smarter decisions and all Pelumi ever did was to be a good friend, she never pushed herself to do slightly better. Lolu loved having me around Pelumi ( She always preferred logical thinkers like me ). Pelumi didn't have one thing she was good at because the girl never took herself seriously. People always thought I was being too hard on her but no one knew her like I did. No one knew all her talents and potential like I did because if they did they wouldn’t be about her being such a great person. Of everyone I knew, Pelumi was the only one who always lived like tomorrow was promised and its even funnier now because of all the people I know, she is the first person to die at such a young age. Lolu never made it past one line of her speech, I thought she'd be stronger than this. They're all saying how she was there for them but no one was there to make sure she woke up early and do her morning devotions. No one was there to tell her to stop believing the lie that her enemy always told her, the lie that she would only fail if she started, the lie that she deserved everyone's audience for very mundane work. Pelumi !!! Wake up and tell them the goals you had but were too lazy to achieve. Tell them you were almost never truly proud of yourself. Tell them you coveted their successes but never wanted to put in the work for it. Tell them you wished you never spoke so much about the things you wanted to do and showed them all the things you wanted to do and got done. Maybe now they wouldn’t all be saying you had such a bright mind but that you did great things and lived a great life. Tell them. Tell them you wished you stopped wishing and listened to me instead, your voice of reason, your logical self. I wish I had listened to me more. I wish I did more. I wish I never made you all cry so much.